The shows and movies where I know my fat ass ain’t welcome are one thing, but those rare, mainstream occasions that are supposed to empower me and end up falling flatter than soda left in a glass overnight? That’s the real knife in the back.įor some reason, when these stories are told, there’s one lone chubby girl living in a thin world. But the older I get the more my frustration actually becomes aimed toward media that is, supposedly, for us. I could go on for centuries pointing out the media that reminds us fat girls aren’t welcome in these here parts. Like I’m watching that Saved By The Bell episode where Zack Morris looks nauseous at the thought of going on a date with Wendy Parks, the fat girl of the episode (trust me, every 90s sitcom has an episode dedicated to one). Like I’m trying to fit into a dress I’ll only wear once. Grew up watching those special episodes of her favorite television shows where-gasp-the boy had to deal with a fat girl’s crush.Įven in this age of self-love and body positivity, at times it still feels like it’s 1992. She grew up knowing that being heavyset didn’t sit well with folks. She gained that weight back after the ceremony and has been heavy ever since. With the guidance of her soon-to-be stepmother, she lost the weight, fit into her dress, and tossed flowers without a care in the world. She was gonna be the cutest flower girl to ever walk down the aisle, but only after she dropped a few pounds. Special shout out to my incredibly boyfriend as well though this new relationship was wildly unexpected, I am in AWE with this gem of a human who has shown me the joy of mutual love and encouragement.Once upon a time, there was a nine-year-old girl who had to lose weight for her father’s wedding. I owe a HUGE thank you to all of the friends and family who helped me get here and cheered me on along the way. Reflecting on this past year of my life has me so excited about the future and the continued growth that is to come. I worked to learn to stand up for myself, despite the Major Flaws I had that I believed made me unworthy for a very long time.Ībout 6 months ago, I decided to finally leave an abusive relationship because I have learned over the past year that I am worthy loving and being loved in a safe, healthy, and supportive way…and about 4 months ago, with the help and support of friends, I made it happen and I left, something I don’t think I ever would have neek brave enough to do a year ago. Almost a year ago today, I also started therapy and worked hard to find the voice that had been continually silenced by my weight and the shame I associated with it. I’m proud of my weight loss, but I’m more proud of how I’ve grown as a human during this journey. I take joy in a lot of small victories – like space between me and the steering wheel – and huge accomplishments – like being able to walk from one end of campus to the other WITHOUT having to stop. Dot.įrom my highest weight, I am down 147 pounds. One year later, I woke up today and weighed in at 189 pounds. One year ago today, around this time, my surgeon was finishing up my gastric bypass procedure. One year ago today, I walked into Northwestern Memorial Hospital at 6am weighing 289 pounds.
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